I Lost It
by The Last Letter
Summary: Caleb O'Dell had fallen in love with no intention of falling out of it. When it felt apart, so did he. Ashley/Caleb AU


_I had a hundred dollar ring in my hand_

_So weak and tired I could barely stand_

_From being up all night, prayin' she'd say yes_

_So with a hopeful heart I hit one knee_

_With a tear in her eye she looked at me_

_It was the moment of truth, I was scared to death_

_My life hung on what that tear meant_

_Then she smiled at me_

_And I lost it_

The hardest thing that Caleb O'Dell had ever done was asking Ashley Stanton to marry him. He hadn't had much money; hadn't had much of anything. All he'd had to offer her was himself, and Caleb wasn't sure that would be enough. Yet, he took what money he had and bought a modest ring. He'd held onto that ring, clenched tightly in his fist, and thought about what would happen when he asked. Would she say no? What would he do if she said no? He wanted her to say yes. He _needed_ her to say yes.

When he asked, his heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth was completely dry. Ashley was so beautiful and his heart would break into a million pieces if she said no. He watched her face carefully; the lines that appeared around her eyes, the way her lips twisted where he couldn't tell if she was smiling or upset, the soft tear that rolled down her cheek.

"Ashley?" He breathed, trying to get her to say something. He wanted her to say anything at all.

Ashley's teary eyes met his own. "Caleb," she responded, a wide smile breaking her face.

Caleb pushed that ring onto her finger, standing her up to wrap her in his arms, squeezing her waist. He burrowed his face into the crook of her neck, smiling. Caleb would never admit it, whether it to be the day after or a decade after, but his eyes were a little wet as he held her. His heart felt as though it could sing. He had never imagined being this happy, but he was.

And it was all because of Ashley.

_No one can make me cry_

_Make me laugh_

_Make me smile_

_Or drive me mad like she does_

_It's like a curse that is the cure_

_Better or worse, one thing's for sure_

_It's real love and I don't know what I'd do_

_If I lost it_

Sometimes Ashley made Caleb nuts. She was so strong-willed and stubborn but she was so cute when she was stamping her foot and pouting that he just ended up smiling. Sometimes that made her even angrier. Other times, she ended up laughing like he did, her pink smile stretching from ear to ear.

She was infectious in the way she would grab him, spinning and twirling as best as she could, in their tiny trailer. He would hold her close, and they would dance, limbs hitting off of each other, off of countertops and walls. It didn't matter to either of them. They were together and they were happy.

One night, when they were lying in bed, and Ashley was in that fuzzy place between awake and sleep, he decided this was his favourite side of her. She had no make-up on, and her hair was silky with tiny kinks in their delicate hairs; her eyelashes would flutter as she tore her eyes open, feasting her gaze on him.

"You're beautiful," she told him that night.

He smirked. "Boys don't usually get called beautiful."

"I know," she said, snuggling into him. He put his arms around her and she rested her freezing toes against his thigh. "But you are."

He rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling her warmth against him, falling asleep. He didn't know what he would do if a time came that she wasn't around; wasn't here. It was unimaginable. They fit together perfectly. There would be no need for her to go anywhere else.

_Well the honeymoon ended and life began_

_Jobs and bills, losing touch with friends_

_And that apartment got smaller every day_

_Then one night the walls finally closed in_

_I came home late, she said, "Where've ya been?_

_You used to call and tell me you're on your way"_

_She said, "If this is how it's gonna be, then I quit"_

_She walked out the door_

_I lost it_

Their honeymoon phase ended, really, the moment they arrived home to a stack of bills. It was a struggle just to get by. Caleb certainly couldn't give her the life that she was used to: a life where she could call on maids to do things for her, where she could spend hundreds of dollars a day shopping. They could barely pay rent, let alone buy new shoes. He wished that he could give her more; offer her more things in life. He couldn't, though, and it was something they both were both going to have to live with.

They went to their jobs – he to Heartland and she to Maggie's – and as soon as that was over they both stumbled home, too exhausted to do anything else. She dealt with customers all day, zooming around Soraya as they both tried to do everything quickly and efficiently. He mucked stalls, sometimes worked horses, cleaning and doing physical barn labor all day. By the time they got home, it was hard to even breathe, let alone think about talking to one another. They weren't actively trying to avoid one another but it was exhausting to try to hold a conversation when the ins and outs of every day was the same.

They couldn't avoid each other. The trailer was one room with the exception of the bathroom that was the size of your average broom closet. Ashley would curl up on the bed and Caleb would take a seat at the table. They would breathe in tandem and act like the trailer wasn't contracting.

Caleb had stayed late at Heartland. It was no big deal really. Lou had invited him to stay for dinner and Caleb had been excited to have something that wasn't from a can or a frozen T.V. dinner. He'd stumbled from the barn into the dining room, collapsing in his chair between Mallory and Ty. He'd lost himself in the family atmosphere. There had been laughs circling around, smiles, and Caleb was happy along with the rest of them.

Honestly, he thought he'd called Ashley. In reality, Caleb had just thought about calling Ashley. When he walked in the door of the trailer, and she was sitting at the table, a bag packed next to her, he felt his heart sink.

"Where have you been?" She asked. Her face was red and blotchy. She'd been crying, and, from the look on her face, she was angry too.

She had every right to be.

"I was just at Heartland, I swear."

Ashley looked up at him. "This is not an issue of trust, Caleb. I never believed that you were off doing something wrong. I just wanted to know where you were, when you were going to be home. I made dinner for you and you never came. I was worried out of my mind! I thought you were hurt! I thought you were dead!"

"I'm fine, babe. See?" Caleb gestured to his body.

"I can't live like this anymore, Caleb. I feel like I've just been trying, and trying, and getting nowhere in this marriage. I feel like we're two people, living our lives, and even when we look at each other we don't see one another." Ashley stood up, pulling her bag into her hand. "I'm leaving."

"Don't," Caleb protested, but she was already out the door.

_No one can make me cry_

_Make me laugh_

_Make me smile_

_Or drive me mad like she does_

_It's like a curse that is the cure_

_Better or worse, one thing's for sure_

_It's real love and I don't know what I'd do_

_If I lost it_

Caleb didn't know if he'd ever cried until he couldn't breathe, but he did on the night she walked out. He sat down on the bed, pulled the sheets that smelled like her up around his nose, and sobbed. He felt as though he was going to choke on his tears and he didn't care if he did. She was gone and he didn't know if she would be coming back. How could he get her to come back?

All he wanted was to hold onto her again, run his fingers through her hair, kiss her lips, and listen to her soft voice reaching out to him in the middle of the night. Their relationship might not have been the best, might have been extremely rocky, but he loved her. When he had said his vows, he had meant it. He would love her through anything. It didn't matter that he was young and probably crazy. She was his, forever, and that's what mattered.

There was no one else for him to love. No one in the entire world that would mold to his body like she did, who would say his name like she did. There was no one else like her and it was her that he wanted.

And right now he wanted her to come back.

_I picked myself up off the floor_

_She walked back through the door_

_And we made love like it was the first time_

He almost didn't believe it was her when she came back in. Caleb thought that, after so many days of missing her, he was finally hallucinating.

"Why," Ashley began, placing her bag down by the door, "are you lying on the floor?"

Caleb blinked up at her. He didn't remember being on the floor, yet here he was, sprawled out beside the bed. "I missed you," he said.

"Oh, Caleb." Ashley dropped to her knees and cradled him so that his head was in her lap. "I've missed you too. I was wrong to walk out. Please, forgive me."

"I do," Caleb breathed. He reached up bringing her lips down to his.

He kissed her deeply, rising up so that he was able to draw her into his lap. She slid her legs around his waist, straddling his thighs. He brought his hands up to her shirt, drawing it up and over her head, drawing their fevered lips apart for the briefest moment in time. He ran his rough hands across her delicate skin, taking in the warmth that she offered. Ashley took her sweet time unbuttoning every button on his plaid shirt. He dropped his lips to her neck, sucking on the soft flesh there, causing her to moan.

Caleb shrugged his shirt away from his broad shoulders, picking her up and tossing her on the bed. Ashley giggled from the motion, holding out her arms as he fell into them. He reached around her arched back, undoing her bra and pulling it away from her body. Ashley's nimble fingers were undoing the zipper on his jeans, pushing them away from his hips. Caleb pulled her skirt down over her legs.

Ashley moaned as he traced his tongue along the curves of her body, finally leaning over her, fitting their bodies together. She reached up, kissing him, holding him close, wondering how she could ever have considered letting him go.

_No one can make me cry_

_Make me laugh_

_Make me smile_

_Or drive me mad like she does_

_It's like a curse that is the cure_

_Better or worse, one thing's for sure_

_It's real love and I don't know what I'd do_

_If I lost it_

Caleb had his arm draped over her lower back as she fell asleep on her stomach. The moon light played against her soft features and he smiled. She was back in his arms and all was right with the world. There was going to be hard times – maybe it would be even harder for them because of their age, because of their financials, because neither of them had gone to college yet. They might have to fight for their relationship but they had something that a lot of other couples didn't. They had love. They had strong love.

No matter what, they could stand through it together. He loved her and he wasn't ever letting her walk away again. He would die if she ever left, if he ever had to be without her. His heart would stop beating and the tears would never dry. He kissed her shoulder blade, listened to her sigh in her sleep, and he closed his eyes. He drifted off, knowing that she would be there when he awoke.

_Oh, if I lost it_

_I don't wanna lose it_

**I don't own anything recognizable . Thanks to my wonderful beta: Noble6. The song is **_**I Lost It**_ **by **_**Kenny Chesney**_.

**~TLL~**


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